Leadership focusing on the employee experience is in. The command-and-control style is out.
This seismic shift has left leaders facing a daunting challenge: how to balance empathy and accountability.
Let’s start by looking at empathy.
We are hardwired to be empathetic. It shows up in infants as young as three months old and is a widespread value found in virtually all cultures and religious traditions. Wanting empathy from our leaders and colleagues is a natural extension of this innate trait.
A 2021 survey by Catalyst illustrates the power of empathy. Employees of more empathetic leaders were three times more engaged, four times more innovative, more loyal, more inclusive, and just plain happier compared with employees of less empathetic leaders.
But if empathy is so powerful, how come it’s such a rare quality in the workplace?
Since leaders are largely judged on how many departmental targets they meet, they naturally err on the side of accountability. Organizational carrots and sticks reinforce the message. Increasing pressure from above further pushes leaders to focus more on results than on people.
This carrot-and-stick approach infects employee attitudes. A 2024 survey by Good Leadership found that 62% of respondents believe accountability at work feels negative and punitive. Another 37% believe accountability is not applied consistently across their organization in ways that are fair.
Leaders have their own concerns about showing empathy in the workplace. They might worry that bad actors will abuse their kindness. Or that they’ll constantly be lowering expectations and extending timelines. Or that it will cause a drop in productivity.
To better understand how to balance empathy and accountability, I turned to Bob Freytag, a senior consulting partner at Blanchard®. Bob has a long, distinguished record of military service in high-stakes situations as well as decades of working with leaders in many organizations. Our conversation has been edited and condensed for clarity.
Misconceptions about accountability and empathy are common. Can you elaborate?
“We often think of accountability as something you do to people. Sometimes, you have to hold people accountable. It is required of you as a leader.
“There is another way to view accountability, however. Think of accountability as an outcome of a partnership between you and your people. When trust has been built and there is mutual respect, you have a much better chance of creating a feeling of ownership with others. When you can help people better own the outcomes they are responsible for, then accountability is something you do with each other.
“Trust, respect, and empathy are the glue that holds a partnership together. If I am empathetic toward you, I help to build our partnership. Believing that leadership is a partnership and that results move at the speed of relationships can change the mindset of leaders and help to build better relationships. This, in turn, helps to create a sense of well-being in the workforce. This sense of well-being, of psychological safety, produces much better intentions—and, ultimately, ownership—of outcomes.
“Empathy, meaning the intellectual identification of the thoughts, feelings, or state of mind of another person, requires you as a leader to be much more others-focused to the needs of the person or people you are trying to lead. This is difficult to do when you are tired, frustrated, or not listening well—basically self-focused.
What’s the benefit of these partnerships?
“When people take greater ownership of their own work, their need to hold others accountable naturally decreases.
“This isn’t wishful thinking. It’s based on Employee Work Passion, a comprehensive study Blanchard conducted to determine what factors drive employee discretionary effort, long-term commitment to the organization, peak performance, low turnover, and increased tenure with the organization.
“Individuals with employee work passion have an impressive ‘Intent to Perform,’ which includes being accountable for their work. Three factors must be present for this to happen:
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- 1. Task Variety
- 2. Meaningful Work
- 3. Autonomy
- 1. Task Variety
“A leader seeking to instill ownership of work in their people should stress these three factors. Employee work passion will bloom in most employees. And leaders won’t have to worry about accountability.”
How can leaders be more empathetic?
“Blanchard’s Leading with Empathy course (launching in February 2025) covers several mindsets and skill sets for becoming a more empathetic leader, including taking a sincere interest in understanding people's feelings; active listening; being helpful; and using appropriate interventions. Numerous exercises help them build their ‘empathy muscles.’
“Think of cultivating empathy as a skill. Set small goals for yourself, and, as you grow, set bigger ones. As your people know that you care about them, concerns about accountability tend to fall away.
“It's important to remember that our degree of empathy can rise and fall like the tides. If we're hungry, tired, or stressed, we're likely to be less empathetic. So being an empathetic leader starts with self-care.”
Can you share your journey into empathic leadership?
“When I operated with a primarily self-focused mindset, I found it to be contagious. It resulted in me having to become a heroic leader. I began to over-control most things and developed checklists for my surrogates when I couldn’t be there.
“Leadership is what happens when you are not there. The bad news is my people learned to comply and just do things the way I told them to. I got, at best, their compliance. I did not get their commitment (read: ownership).
“The good news is good attitudes are contagious. When I decided to become more others-focused and understanding of the true needs of my people, they felt more respected and cared about. This positively affected their intentions, which positively impacted their ownership, behaviors, and results.
“My change was to practice empathy and become much better at helping others feel heard and listened to. I became critically aware that I was the book on leadership my people were reading. That meant I had to demonstrate, consistently and purposefully, the behaviors I wanted to see in others.
“I worked on catching people doing things right. I was much more empathetic to the thoughts, feelings and state of mind of others. This began the conversion of Bob 1.0 to Bob 2.0.
“Dr. Victor Vroom, creator of the Expectancy Theory, says it best for me: ‘People will do what they can do when they want to do it.’ I needed to account for my role in the ‘want to’ part of things.
“As Maya Angelou said, “... people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” My opportunity was to build trust so that I could know how my people felt and then really care about how that affected what they wanted to own or be accountable for. Bottom line, when my people felt cared about, they then cared to hold themselves accountable to their commitments.”
What would you say to leaders who are afraid of being taken advantage of by being empathetic?
“Empathy is not weakness. It doesn't mean you let people do subpar work.
“There is a big difference between being nice and being kind. Niceness can't say no. Niceness lets people get away with things. Niceness is poor leadership.
“Kindness is trying to understand someone. Kindness is being clear about your expectations. Kindness is slowing down so that people get what they need to succeed.”
Any advice leaders can use in their next one-on-one meeting?
“One way to boost accountability is to set clear goals collaboratively. We use a simple goal-setting method at Blanchard to ensure people are aligned: Goals should be specific and trackable.
· Specific addresses exactly what the goal is and when it needs to be accomplished. It defines what a good job looks like. Being specific means identifying the metrics you will use to determine whether your team members either have achieved or are making progress in achieving their goals. It’s the scorecard.
· Trackable is the way progress or results are counted. It identifies the tools that will help you track progress that has been made or goals that have been accomplished.
“A simple technique like this promotes accountability. It also gives your people an opportunity to express concerns, which allows them to be honest and you to be empathetic.
“These rich dialogues deepen the partnerships between people. Employees understand their roles and responsibilities. Leaders understand that empathy and accountability both have their place at work.
“The greatest epiphany? Leaders discover that empathy and accountability aren’t contradictory, but two complementary parts of a greater whole that benefits everyone.”
About the Author
More Content by Doug Glener
