Dear Madeleine,I have been managing people since I was first promoted to supervisor in my first job while I was still in college. I am now a senior director in my late 40s. I manage a couple of business units for a large financial services company in Europe.
In the last few years, my firm has been providing management/leadership training to everyone who has direct reports. It is all mandatory. Some of it has been okay (not a total waste of time), but some of what is being taught just seems like complete hogwash to me.
Here is my question to you: How important is it to constantly praise people? I am getting the impression that we are supposed to praise people for simply doing their jobs. I always thought that praise should be reserved for when people go above and beyond or overcome a real challenge.
I have been making an effort, but it just feels wrong to me. When I was coming up, none of my bosses ever praised us for anything, let alone for simply doing what was expected. My bosses still don’t praise, and I think it would be strange if they started.
I feel like this is a very American thing, like the way you people smile all the time. I am interested to hear your thoughts on this topic.
Suspicious
PS: I realize you work for a company that does training, so I thought you would like to know we are not getting training from your company.
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Dear Suspicious,
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this concern, and I think you have a fair point. Your comment about the smiling made me laugh because I moved to the US from Europe when I was fifteen and I found the smiling to be downright bizarre. I got used to it, though, and trained myself to do it out of sheer cultural necessity. Smiling, like praise, may seem to be an “American thing” but it doesn’t change the fact it can positively impact one’s own mood and well-being. Studies have shown that smiling can trigger the release of mood-enhancing hormones such as endorphins and serotonin, while also reducing stress hormones such as cortisol. Smiling—and praise for that matter—can make individuals appear more approachable and trustworthy, which may foster positive social interactions. There are many situations in which people may judge Americans and find us wanting, but smiling more and recognizing the value of praise really aren’t among them.
I also understand your position that goes something like “I never got any praise and did just fine, so I don’t understand why this generation coming up should get any.” My response: just because people can get used to something doesn’t make it right. And just because that’s the way things have always been done doesn’t mean changing is a bad idea.
My father-in-law, Ken Blanchard, is one of the pioneers of changing business and leadership practices to bring out the best in people. In fact, his biography coming out this fall is titled Catch People Doing Things Right. His key points, which are outlined in his best-selling book The One Minute Manager®, are that when people do something wrong it is probably because either they weren’t crystal clear on what the task was and they need clarification, or they didn’t know how to do it the right way and they need redirection. When people do something right and their manager notices it, they are much more likely to repeat the behavior. This may seem overly simple—but when put into practice, it is astonishingly effective.
I don’t know what you were taught in training, but research shows that people who work for you are going to be more likely to do their best (instead of the bare minimum) when you simply pay attention to them. They are also more likely to stay in their jobs—and you may already know that the cost of replacing a competent performer is astronomical. This isn’t about being nice; it is about showing people that you see their efforts and you notice them as human beings. Praise doesn’t involve insincere flattery. Praise is when you truly focus on someone, listen, and share positive feedback to make it clear that you are paying attention. If you only observe your people so that you can correct them, you essentially train them to avoid interacting with you. The last thing you want is for people’s hearts to sink at the sight of an email or text from you. Don’t you want your people to be happy to hear from you?
If the praise you are giving feels strange and empty to you, find things to point out that matter to you and that you think will matter to the individual. If someone gets you something you need before the deadline, you can point out that it was helpful to have it early so that you had extra time to review it. If someone does something for the first time, you can point out how hard it can be to do something new and praise their willingness to try something for the first time. Even when someone is simply doing their job, you can express confidence in their dependability. The more you do it, the easier it will get.
For more on praising, please see an excellent blog here.
Here is another little tip that isn’t widely shared: it will help you if you find out from each person what they like to be praised for and how they like to be recognized. Everyone is different, and people have secret pride about ways they perform that you won’t know unless they tell you. This way, you will know for sure how to praise each individual in ways that are meaningful to them. I used to praise an employee for doing something well that I hated doing because it was hard for me. It turned out that it was easy for her, and the praise was easy to deflect. The thing she really liked to be praised for was a different thing that she did so well she made it look easy—but it actually took a lot out of her. Our whole relationship shifted when I started noticing it.
Now to circle back to the main point: as managers, to praise effectively, we need to get to know our people and pay consistent attention to them. Does it take extra time? Indeed it does. Does it require more of your bandwidth? Again, yes. I can’t promise that it will make a measurable difference in your business results, but I would bet good money that it will. You’ll never know until you really commit to this process over a significant period of time.
And, hey, maybe smiling a little more will also make an impact. Just a little. When you mean it.
Love, Madeleine
About Madeleine
Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services as well as a key facilitator of Blanchard’s Leadership Coach Certification course. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.
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