Dear Madeleine,
I really like my job and tend to go the extra mile. I had scheduled my quarterly one-on-one meeting with my manager, and then got an email from him that said “Hey, do you mind if we cancel for this quarter? You are doing great and I never worry about you. Just keep it up!”
I guess that is good news, but I need a little more than that. I feel like I am being punished for doing a good job. I don’t want to be a squeaky wheel, but I would like some feedback on, well, what I do all day. What do you suggest I do?
Ignored
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Dear Ignored,
You aren’t being punished, but I can understand how it might feel that way.
I appreciate how irritating it must be when making your boss’s job easier by being a reliable performer gets you a whole lot of nothing. But if you say nothing, you will get more of the same. There is a difference between being a squeaky wheel (aka annoying) and respectfully asking for what you need (aka taking responsibility).
The key to getting the feedback you crave is to make it easy for your boss to give it. You might first acknowledge that you are happy to hear he never has to worry about you. Then you can say that although you would prefer a meeting to check in, you understand he is busy—so it would be helpful if he could answer some questions via email.
The questions can be super straightforward. For example:
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- Is there anything I should start doing or stop doing?
- Is there anything I should do more of or less of?
- Is there anything at all you think I should know?
You might consider contextualizing your request for feedback by providing the bigger picture for why you are asking. To do this, you will want to consider your career goals:
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- Perhaps you have your eye on a stretch goal, such as a challenging or strategic task that would help you build long-term capability.
- Maybe you are hoping for some input that would help you see how your contributions affect the team or the organization as a whole.
- It’s possible you are wondering if your boss sees you as leadership material and if he could offer some direction on where to focus to develop yourself.
Setting the stage for why you want feedback and what would make a difference for you will help your boss focus.
All of the research shows that almost all employees need more recognition than they get—and that most bosses are clueless about how to provide it. Here are two articles you might enjoy on how to take care of yourself and your needs in a work context: Four Hard Truths About Self-Leadership and Lead Yourself First.
It can feel risky to ask for what you need. But the truth is that no one can do it for you. And it is a lot less risky when you are a great performer, so the timing is good.
Don’t let your boss forget you are a human being with hopes and dreams. Because if you let him, he probably will.
Love, Madeleine
About Madeleine
Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services as well as a key facilitator of Blanchard’s Leadership Coach Certification course. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.
Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.
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