Leading Authentically Without Losing Authority

For years, leaders have been told to show up authentically. And they’ve clearly grasped the concept; in fact, 67% of leaders identify authenticity as a critical leadership training need.*

“Be an authentic leader” sounds easy, yet balancing authenticity and leadership is anything but.

Leading with authenticity is even trickier for today’s leaders, many of whom grew up being far more open than past generations about how they look, who they love, their mental health, and their personal lives. In many organizations this openness shows up in small but meaningful ways, such as people who embrace diversity by including pronouns in their email footers rather than hiding or code-switching based on audience.

The accelerated use of video conferencing brought people together in a whole new way: it forced the door to authenticity wide open as people invited colleagues into their living rooms and kitchens. Expansion of social media blew it off the hinges, offering unfiltered (and sometimes unguarded) access to who leaders are as people.

With social media, you don’t need to ask how someone’s weekend was; you likely already know. Or at least you know a version of it. You know what they wore, what they ate, who they were with, and whether it was a good time—filters and hashtags notwithstanding.

Being Real Versus Being Respected

As individual contributors, employees are given considerable latitude to be authentic. That’s why there’s little training on authenticity at work, but plenty on authentic leadership. There may be a ramp-up period as they get to know coworkers and decide how much of themselves they want to share, but the stakes are lower for non-leaders.

For leaders, this new age of transparency presents significant challenges. It’s especially complicated when a well-known colleague suddenly becomes a leader: the promotion changes how they are seen. In this new role, being liked feels safer than being respected. Respect sounds formal, distant, even cold. Liked feels human, familiar, affirming. Many first-time leaders instinctively optimize for likability, hoping it will preserve connection and soften the discomfort of their new position power.

If you’re a first-time leader, authenticity quickly becomes one of the first (and messiest) tensions you’ll face. The shift from individual contributor to leader changes the power dynamic with your former peers. And whether you want it or not, a certain distance comes with the role.

Still, the advice never changes: Be yourself. Bring all of who you are to work.

Determined to stay true to who you are rather than becoming “one of them,” you set your sights on becoming a friend-boss. You aim to be the same person you were to your colleagues before your title changed and that little box on the org chart shifted.

Yet the pressure to meet the demands of your new role requires you to step into authority and provide direction. What now?

Best Practices for Balancing the Tension: Awareness

It’s well understood that a command-and-control management style no longer resonates in today’s workforce. But how do you ensure performance when people expect authenticity and side-by-side guidance? The first key is practicing awareness.

Be Aware of Self. As an individual, you need to know who you are before you can decide what you stand for, what parts of you are for sharing, and what parts you might keep for yourself.

In the tension between Who I am as a person and Who I am as a leader, you have to start with Who I am. Only then can you move to the next step.

That means taking time to reflect on your personal values, how you spend your time, what truly matters to you, and what you’re not willing to compromise. For example, you might value honesty and transparency. As a leader, you need to let your team know these are your values and you will work hard to embody them by sticking to the facts and communicating in a straightforward manner. This shows what you expect from yourself and others.

Be Aware of Others. As a leader, it’s not about you. Hard stop. Leadership is about motivating and inspiring others. If your words or behaviors aren’t likely to do that, they probably don’t need to be shared.

Does that mean masking who you are? Has authenticity left the building? Not quite. It means being intentional about how much and what you share. You don’t need to unload every thought, feeling, or life detail onto your team, especially if some of it could be distracting, anxiety provoking, or less than motivating.

Much like a caregiver who filters information to protect someone from unnecessary stress, a leader can choose to hold back details that aren’t mission critical. That isn’t inauthentic. It’s considerate. It’s benevolent.

Be Aware of Context. Leadership requires balancing who you are with where you are. The situation you are in determines what is appropriate to share. What a leader shares around a dinner table, in a team meeting, or in an executive session will—and should—be different. 
This gets blurry, if not downright messy, in the age of social media. Social media collapses contexts. How you spend your time on a weekend, once posted, becomes part of your work identity. Tweets, posts, and hashtags associated with you are now also associated with you the leader as well as your organization.

Being mindful of context means recognizing that visibility has consequences, whether intended or not.

Best Practices for Balancing the Tension: Leader Actions

Who you are, as a person and as a leader, ultimately shows up in your actions. The second key to balancing authenticity and authority is to modify your behavior. 

Moderate Your Sharing. Now that you’re a leader, don’t share every thought. Share thoughtfully. You already curate photos, captions, songs, and hashtags on social media; use that same instinct as a leader. What you share online ripples into your professional life. Even if you don’t post often, information about you is still accessible to employees, so share wisely and apply your own critical-thinking filter.

Remember Your Role. Because you are working on behalf of an organization, you represent something bigger than yourself. While it’s important to build connected relationships, always be mindful of your role even when relationships feel close.

Once you become a leader, it’s not appropriate to treat a friend-colleague differently than any other colleague, whether the request is implicit or explicit. Decisions, access to resources, and feedback must be handled equitably. Even if a personal relationship exists outside of work, leadership requires setting those relationships aside in the workplace. Special treatment based on personal connections isn’t authenticity; it’s inequity.

Practice Consistency. You will naturally feel closer to some people than others. That’s human. Balanced authenticity isn’t pretending everything is equal; it’s ensuring fairness, transparency, and consistency in work-related decisions and actions. You may communicate more casually with one team member—sharing texts, funny memes, or following each other on social media—but that informality must be counterbalanced by applying the same expectations, feedback standards, and opportunities to everyone. Leader milestones such as performance reviews, deadlines, and access to resources should be handled consistently, regardless of personal rapport.

The following table shows the spectrum from too much authenticity to no authenticity. Balanced leaders find a middle ground—honoring their values, caring about others, sharing with discretion, and expressing confidence while admitting their mistakes.

The Spectrum of Authenticity

Becoming a Leader People Want to Follow

As thrilling as becoming a leader can be, that excitement is often accompanied by worry, self-doubt, and second-guessing. The key is to remember that leadership is not about you, it’s about the people you’re serving and the common vision you’re working to achieve. 

In the long run, people don’t follow leaders because of their title; they follow leaders they trust and respect. By practicing awareness and acting with mindfulness, you can balance authenticity with authority—and become the kind of leader people are eager to follow.

*Harvard Business Publishing Corporate Learning’s report “Leadership Reframed for the Workplace of the Future”

About the Author

Leah Clark is VP of Office of IP and Content Strategy at Blanchard. Through writing, research, and speaking, she explores how leaders strengthen mindsets and lead human-plus-AI teams, adapting their approach as the world and workplace continue to change.

More Content by Leah Clark